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Each side must listen fully to the other side before responding. Oftentimes, when one party is explaining something that is bothering them, the second party will feel defensive and want to jump in and explain why they did XYZ to justify their actions. There is nothing more frustrating than being interrupted, especially when trying to resolve a problem. To avoid the added frustration, the first person listens to everything the other person has to say, before explaining their side. This process is repeated until both sides have sufficiently made their cases.
Identify the issues clearly, professionally, and concisely. Unless the issue is identified, a resolution cannot be found. This morning, Betty came into work and she threw her purse on her desk and snapped at Sally when Sally said “good morning.” The reason that Betty snapped at Sally when Sally said “good morning” to Betty could be that Betty got a frustrating text from her child saying he forgot his homework. This has nothing to do with Sally; yet, the frustration was taken out on her, and this caused some tension between the two of them the rest of the day. In some cases, this kind of tension can simmer and slowly build to a boil, making it extremely important to have open communication with your co-workers. You may not always know what is going on in another person’s life, so try not to jump to conclusions.
When both parties meet to discuss their issues, they are only allowed to use “I” statements. “I felt ignored at the meeting this morning when I was trying to explain the details about Mrs. Jones.” Framing an issue you have with another person with an “I” statement helps to bring their defenses down, so that a resolution can be found among the conflict. “You” statements tend to put people on the defensive, because they feel like their integrity is under attack.
“You never take out the trash.”
“I feel demotivated when the chart is ripped out of my hands.”
“It hurts my feelings when a harsh tone is used when asking for a favor.”
The final and most important rule is that there are no personal attacks, name-calling or finger pointing. These are a surefire way to put the other person on the defensive, and there is just no need for petty attacks in a professional environment. When voices raise, the control of the conversation is lost and both parties are prevented from continuing the conversation with a level head. As soon as voices raise or tears start to flow, each side needs to pause (maybe even step aside for a few moments) to regain composure, so that a civil conversation may continue.
Everyone wants to work in a happy, peaceful environment, so it’s important to talk it out.
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