The Silent Salon Assassin

The title may sound like the name of a fictional murder/mystery novel; but I assure you that the silent salon assassin is very real, and it strikes daily at tanning facilities all around the country. It silently slashes sales figures and profit margins, and ultimately deep-sixes your customer base.

As a salon owner, manager or employee, you’re probably terrified to know that even at this very moment, a killer could be in your salon right now, lurking quietly while blending in with your other guests. Can you stop it? And if so, how? You don’t even know what it looks like! Luckily for you, I – Detective Arthur Bronzarelli, Secret Lotion Agent – have been profiling this fiend for years, and I’ll share everything I have in this dirtbag’s file so we can stop the profit-murderer for good.

What we know about the perp is that it’s an expert at disguises and can pose as a girl or guy of any age, so BOLO (that’s detective lingo for “be on the lookout”) for:

• The guest who says nothing at all when she’s not greeted by your staff and waits for ten minutes in your lobby before anyone even acknowledges her presence
• The guest who would never even consider making a scene or complaining if a salon associate was rude or indifferent to her
• The guest who lets another tanner be served before her, even if she was next in line
• The guest who would never complain or say anything if the equipment or room was unclean or did not work properly
• The guest who feels it’s a waste of time and energy to confront a bad-service moment
• The guest who just ignores a snobby sales associate who rolls his eyes at her when she can’t decide on a product, and instead just steps back politely and doesn’t buy anything
• The guest who has never even been advised by your staff about the benefits of using professional tanning products and without a peep just buys a lotion somewhere else
• The guest who would feel guilty if she ever asked for a refund because her tanning results were not satisfactory because she saw another guest try that and your staff made her feel like it was their fault
• It’s also the guest who, if any of these things happen to her, will leave without warning and you’ll never see her again!

I hereby deputize you as Detective Arthur Bronzarelli’s team of junior secret agents. Our mission: find these guests and spoil them with amazing product knowledge and service before they turn into the Silent Salon Assassin and snuff out your profits, too.

Godspeed special agents… and good luck!